I’ve always wondered secretly the possibility of two lovers attaining complete intimacy. Seriously, can one really achieve a level of intimacy with someone else, in the ideal term of the word? Can a person honestly know another a 100% inside out?
I find the human specie to be very profound in every aspect; most especially on the internal plane. I can’t still fully grasp myself, even after many years of living inside my head. To know that my mind has the ability to independently come up with sudden and random suggestions still amazes me. One moment, I’m in complete control of my person, and the next dependent on another for clarity or survival.
- Can I really know what you are thinking if you don’t voice it out?
- Can I truly decode why you acted in a certain way if you don’t break it down and explain yourself?
- Can I reallyyyyy know EVERYTHING about you?
- Will I understand why you stay up late at night- truly get it?
- Will I forgive your actions based on your intents?
- Can I truly see beyond your nose into the beating of your heart?
- Can you see the pain in my heart if I don’t usher certain words?
- Did you see me cry at night when I masterly hid it from you?
- Do you understand the laughter that erupts from my mouth in a moment of memory reflection?
- Can you see the picture painted vividly on my mind that makes me giggle?
How do I recreate such loveliness with mere words, just for you to appreciate the beauty of my thoughts?
Ha- so you see the reason why I ponder. Don’t get me wrong- I like the act of open communication between friends. I am grateful for the beauty of marriage and the concept of a soul mate.
However, I want to be known in the nude in every aspect of life; spiritually, physically and emotionally. I would love to be naked and bare before my lover 24 hours a day, in a depth beyond the physical. To walk in the blissful awareness that I am completely known. Accepted for who I am and loved to the last fibre of my being.
But with humans this delightful phenomenon isn’t possible. No one can ever get to this level of complete awareness and knowledge of another. No one knows the heart of a man except the spirit of that man. But our souls incessantly crave for this kind of knowledge. We are hard wired to expect our lovers to understand our hearts before we usher words. We expect too much and project attributes unto them, they simply cannot attain as humans.
So is this true ideal of intimacy possible?
I have come to the conclusion that yes- yes this is possible. I have been loved since the day I was conceived; naked and caressed all my life. How wonderful to wake up at night and his warmth fills my soul. I brighten up at the consciousness of knowing I am a 100% known and loved. Judged by my intents and not only my actions- how delightful!
Before a word is on my lips, he knows it. Before I ask for his heart, he gives it. I am completely secure in the beauty of such vulnerability.
This is the perfection of intimacy- To be truly known and loved!!!
Psalms 139: 1-5
1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me! 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. 5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name.
For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off,says your God.
You know me Jesus- Yes you do!